I have wanted to do this for some time now and have spent hours researching; nevertheless, every time I go to start—after I create the films and return to view them—I always feel shame or remorse. Why do I feel that way about myself? I do not think it is shameful when others do this.
Is this a natural emotion or something you are able to control?
I create my own material and oversee the pricing and outcome. It seems to me to be a type of sensual creative art. I’m pleased some people appreciate it enough to buy. The bottom line is I only act following my comfort level. That helps me to feel firm and confident about what I am producing and doing; shame does not enter the scene.
Though it’s not unusual, I wouldn’t say it’s normal. I felt this same way years ago when I first started and truly took my time to understand my requirements, boundaries, and demands around this job.
You feel guilty when you think you did something wrong. Shame makes one feel as though they are defective!
Perhaps a part of you does not really want to be doing if you feel like you are doing anything wrong! And that’s good. Invest some time.
We recommend watching as many creator/porn star interviews as possible. Via podcasts to YouTube. Learn about the sector and the variety of events the community offers.
Though sex work even more so, people have strong emotions about women profiting off of our bodies, whether that be fetishizing, shame, guilt, empowerment, shock, contempt, etc. Sex in general evokes powerful emotions out of people. Not for the weak of heart, this work spans the extremes of what is socially acceptable and unacceptable. It’s not straightforward either physically or psychologically. Watching someone perform usually seems simpler than doing it yourself.
Remember that if you decide to go all in, be gorgeous, sexy, smart, and stand behind your choice of how to make a living. Once you’re fully in there, there’s no place for shame; instead, embrace what you produce and love yourself. Little elements of embarrassment are natural every now and again; it might make you feel quite vulnerable to being nude, sensual, or revealing to strangers over the internet. Still, that’s the work involved in If I ever experience a sense of guilt or shame, I remember that it’s been worthwhile having a more pleasant life than I did previously; the advantages exceed the negatives—or any small voice in my head telling me it’s “wrong.” It just is; neither right nor bad. Everyone will see things from different angles, so pay attention to your instincts; only you will know what is worth and pleasant for you.
Guilt is something you feel if you betray your own morals… Shame is something you feel when you betray other people’s morals and you worry they’ll judge you.
First you need to figure out which you feel, and then decide if it’s worth it to you.
Best advice I ever got.
Though this is a controversial view, SW may not be for you if it makes you ashamed and guilty. Over a decade, I have been in several types of SW and have witnessed many sad events involving SWs caught in cycles of self-destructive conduct trying to distance those emotions. I truly would detest to see anyone subjected to such. I also have problems, but they are only related to my natural mental illness; I cannot imagine how much worse off I would be if I also had internal guilt on top of that.
You also have to think about the likelihood of being outed at some time. Thought I would never be outed, I performed SW for so long in secret, but approximately two years ago, an ex-partner contacted my family and sent all of my SW material. Since they don’t know anything about the SW world, I tried to persuade them that he created phony profiles of me; they don’t know if they believed it, but it hasn’t been discussed since.
Still, I’m just keeping it real—not trying to discourage you. That’s fine if this sector isn’t for you. Should you choose to keep on, I hope you find solace and develop appropriate coping mechanisms for these emotions.
I’m sorry your ex was so terrible.
Depending on how things go, I have been thinking about doing OF, anonymously to start or maybe entirely depending on things. My family finding out is the only thing truly bothering me.
People thinking less of you once they learn you’re benefiting off your body, doing SW and enjoying it, or just to get by sucks. It doesn’t define who we are personally or suggest we have loose morals or lack self-respect.
Would you kindly let us know how your family’s relationship has been since they discovered it?
Be yourself. Do not satisfy anyone. Don’t do it if it’s not enjoyable. Starting will be slow and feel useless. It is fantastic when it takes off!